


Too Fuckin' Loud

by fairylightsinoctober



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Established Relationship, Fluff, Give Bucky Barnes A Hug 2K16, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), and bucky just wants a hug and a nap, dunno what else to tag here but steve rogers is a supportive boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 19:07:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8679883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairylightsinoctober/pseuds/fairylightsinoctober
Summary: Bucky always tries so hard to pretend that he's alright, especially when Steve's watching. But sometimes, even the strongest people end up showing the cracks in their armor.





	

One could say that Bucky was having a little bit of a rough day. That would be a vast understatement, but one could still say it. He was curled up on the couch, trying to stop his hyperventilating and quell the panic attack that had been plaguing him for nearly the past half-hour. Since Steve had been out on a SHIELD mission, Bucky had tried to go out into the city by himself. Get some fresh air, see some sights, have a nice, relaxing day. Unfortunately, the combination of too many people, too much noise, and too many old triggers made for an entirely unpleasant experience. He didn’t even notice when the front door opened and a tired, sweaty, scraped-up Steve walked in.

 

It had seemed like Bucky was doing so well in his mission to adjust to modern, HYDRA-free society. He’d gone out grocery shopping with Steve the day before, only wincing a little at the loud, unruly crowds of the supermarket on a Saturday afternoon. They’d gone to the park several times that week, spending several hours bird-watching and – Bucky’s favorite – people-watching, just to get him used to the sights and sounds again. He’d even managed to force at least two meals a day into Bucky’s system for almost a full week now. But obviously, he’d taken a full leap backwards in his recovery process during Steve’s absence.

 

“Hey, Buck… Hey, it’s me,” Steve said gently, walking over and crouching down beside the couch by Bucky. His injuries from the day – practically only scratches – were already entirely forgotten, in favor of worrying over Bucky. “You’re okay, I’m here. Deep breaths, doll, before you pass out.” He’d never seen Bucky actually pass out from previous panic attacks before, but he’d seen him very near it from previous panic attacks. Still, he hadn’t seen Bucky this worked up in a month, at least. He’d tentatively hoped that Bucky wouldn’t slide back to this, but it looked like his wish hadn’t come true after all.

 

Steve put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, but then moved back a little as Bucky flinched back from the touch. That was another obvious backslide. He’d gotten used to – and hd even learned to like --- some physical touch, at least when it was expected. But Steve would never push him farther than he was comfortable with, and that especially included now.

 

“S-sorry, it’s… too fuckin’—fuckin’ l-loud,” Bucky finally managed, his speech broken up oddly by his rough, jagged breaths. The apartment was quiet, but Bucky’s mind was swarming, and his headache could’ve been either from the lack of proper oxygen, or from all of the noise in his head. He reached out with his shaking right hand, and took Steve’s in his own. Particularly when he was overwhelmed like this, he always avoided doing anything delicate with his left hand. It wasn’t that he wasn’t capable of fine motor skills with the metal arm, but he was always afraid of accidentally losing control and hurting someone or something. He trusted his own flesh and blood slightly more than the mechanized part of himself.

 

“It’s okay, Bucky, you’re alright. In and out, like we practiced,” Steve said patiently, taking demonstratively slow, deep breaths as he looked down to Bucky. He tried to keep most of the deep sympathy carefully out of his eyes, knowing Bucky’s tendency to misinterpret it as condescending pity. Meanwhile, the brunet started trying again to regulate his breaths, ending up with slightly more even, shaky breaths.

 

“Tell… t-tell me about the mission. You h-hurt?” Bucky asked, his voice hoarse and still out of breath from his hyperventilation. He was concerned about Steve, even in his own panicked state. Besides, nothing managed to calm him down like the sound of the blond supersoldier’s voice.

 

“Nah, I’m fine. Easy in-and-out mission. Wasn’t too hard,” Steve promised, shaking his head. Sure, he was a little scratched up. He’d ended up a bit too close to enemy explosives, and he’d caught some flying shrapnel, but… overall, he was fine. And he didn’t need Bucky worrying any more than he already was. Ever so slowly, Steve brought his free hand closer to Bucky’s face, softly brushing a lock of long brown hair from his eyes.

 

Bucky nodded. “…Y’smell like dirt. And sweat,” He said, more of an observation than a complaint. He squeezed Steve’s hand gently, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand. He almost seemed to be trying to prove that the blond really existed, and to ground himself around Steve. “Y’need a shower. Then… bed. A-after I look you over,” He added quietly, purposely phrasing it not as a suggestion or request but as a demand. Despite his emotional state, Bucky just wanted to fall back into their comforting routine. Steve would welcome him home with a kiss, hop into the shower, then let Bucky inspect and help care for any injuries, before they cuddled up in bed for a nap. Nice, relaxing, stress-free.

 

And Steve was only too happy to oblige, if it would help Bucky. He brushed back the long hair again, kissing Bucky’s forehead before nodding and standing up. “How about you get into pajamas and wait for me in bed?” He suggested, knowing that Bucky was aiming for a sense of normalcy in the evening. “I’ll bring the first aid kit.”

 

Bucky nodded in agreement, wincing as he reluctantly sat up. Being locked in a tense, shaky fetal position for over half an hour could really kink up a person’s neck and back. He stretched, joints popping and clicking, before standing up. Steve went to the bathroom, and Bucky shuffled into the bedroom. Things already seemed less overwhelming as he stripped out of his boots and socks, then his jacket and shirt, and finally his belt, trousers, and boxers. After pulling on a pair of loose sweatpants and one of Steve’s comfy t-shirts, he sat cross-legged amongst the unmade piles of blankets and pillows on the bed.

 

It took Steve almost fifteen minutes to emerge from the steamy bathroom, one towel wrapped around his waist as he scrubbed another through his hair. He smiled at the sight of a calmer Bucky sitting, wearing his clothes, on the bed. Meanwhile, Bucky frowned at the sight of all of Steve's cuts, scrapes, and bruises. The blond tossed both towels over the desk chair, then picked out a fresh pair of sweatpants. He pulled them on, then went to sit on the edge of the bed by Bucky. "See? I'm fine, just like always," He assured Bucky quietly, leaning forward to press a soft, chaste kiss to Bucky's chapped lips.

 

Bucky brought his hand up to brush along Steve's milky-pale, soft skin. He ran a hand over his shoulder, then down his arm, fingertips dancing softly over fresh bruises and avoiding the cuts entirely. "Not fine... You forgot the first aid kit," He mumbled, a soft frown still firmly in place on his face. Steve sighed and nodded, standing up from the bed and going back to the bathroom, fetching their medical kit before sitting back down.

 

"It'll all heal up by tomorrow morning... Tomorrow night, at the latest," He insisted. However, Steve wasn't going to break their ritual, particularly as it seemed to be keeping Bucky calm and grounded. The brunet's breathing had almost entirely evened out, and his shaking had dulled down to only a slight tremor in his hands.

 

"Don't care." Bucky shook his head, grabbing the kit. He opened it up, finding a disinfectant pad and ripping open the packaging. With great, deliberate care, he cleaned each tiny cut and scrape, before tossing the crumpled wipe and wrapper into the bedside trash can. Then he moved on to applying bandages. There could never be a more precious sight than Captain America being lovingly plastered in far too many band-aids. It took nearly ten minutes of careful cleaning, bandaging, and tiny stolen kisses before Bucky was satisfied with the level of care.

 

Once Steve was permitted, he stood and pulled the wadded-up blankets off the bed, carefully spreading them out over Bucky. He then slipped under the covers, leaving a bit of space between Bucky and himself. When in doubt about Bucky's triggers and comfort zones, Steve always liked to err on the side of caution. However, Bucky snuggled up into Steve's arms a moment later, hiding his face against Steve's chest and deeply inhaling his scent. He smelled like Old Spice, Barbasol shaving cream, and faintly of the soft, sweet scent that Bucky had come to recognize as just _Steve_. Bucky felt more comfortable laying there in Steve's arms than he did anywhere else. In the loud, busy, ever-changing world of the twenty-first century, Steve's warm embrace felt most like home.

 

He meant only to lay there and enjoy Steve's presence, but soon Bucky found himself drifting off to sleep His eyelids grew heavier and heavier by the moment, and he was finding it hard to cling to waking consciousness. "...Mmm... Stevie?" He hummed softly against the blond's chest, wondering if he was still awake.

 

"Yeah, Buck?" Came the drawling, tired reply.

 

"Love you."

 

"Love you too, Buck."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This was totally self-indulgent tbh, because Bucky needs to be told that it's okay to have feelings and that Steve loves him anyways. And cuddling is always a bonus. Please leave comments or kudos if you liked it (or constructive criticism is welcome)! I'll have more stucky up by the end of the week ;)


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